Sebastian is our sixteen-year-old son and he says some of the funniest things–we have no idea where he gets his material since his mother and I are rather boring, serious people. 

My son plays point guard on the Varsity team at his school where I am the Junior Varsity coach.

Basketball season is finally over and I get a chance to breathe a bit. I have been the Junior Varsity coach at my sons’ high school for eight years now and this was easily the most taxing season thus far.

I am no stranger to intense basketball seasons; I was the head coach at a couple of different schools “back in the day” and we won more than our fair share of championships.

But.

This year a whole new slate of coaches were hired to replace the previous coach who, in nine years never had a winning record (not even close) and the most games he ever won was eight, which was last year. Four starters from that team left the school when he quit just a week before the start of classes.

Good riddance.

The new coaches were able to successfully “recruit” eight players who had quit the team over the last couple of years (and had stayed at the school) because they could no longer stand the previous coach. Eight.

Those players, along with my son (the sole remaining starter from last year) won a school-record 18 games after starting the season 10-0 (another school record).

My son, Sebastian, who was forced to play center last year and was essentially told he was not allowed to shoot, started this year as the team’s point guard and one of the captains. He struggled at times adjusting to his new position (he had never played point guard before), but by all accounts, he had a very successful season.

Sebastian averaged just north of 15 points a game (with a high of 27), just shy of seven rebounds, and right at six assists a game. Sure, he had far too many turnovers, but he also had to endure a concussion and a slight fracture to his back mid-way through the year.

And I could not be prouder.

As for me, I “grew” as well (I think) as coach, a parent, and linguist. As I mentioned, the new staff is young, much closer to my son’s age than to mine. Much closer. As in, they are not even millennial, they are Gen Z. The same as my older son (who is 21). As such, I had to learn a new offense and broaden my vocabulary considerably.

I now am familiar with many terms and abbreviations that used to make me cringe a mere four months ago. Here are just a few. Contact me if your child uses any of these terms and you are too intimidated to ask them what they mean. “I got you.”

Bet: This is simply the new “OK” but has an innate positive connotation. “You coming over for dinner?” “Bet.”

Bruh: used in a variety of contexts as an exclamation and slightly different than “bro” which is more of a direct address.

Drip: Similar to “fit” if someone mentions your drip, it is a compliment on your style.

Fire: Used to describe something that is particularly good (previous generations used “hot”). “Damn, that fit is fire, bro.”

Fit: Short for “outfit” and means “look” or “style” as in “Yo, bro, that’s a nice fit.”

Goat: An acronym. “Greatest of All Time”. It appears that there can be several “goats” at the same time and that it can change quite frequently.

Highkey: The much less used companion to lowkey. Highkey, as you might imagine, is to a great extent.

He/She hoopin’: No doubt this is likely basketball specific, but when a someone is playing particularly well, he hoopin’.

Lit: Similar to, but not as intense as “fire”, “lit” is also used to describe something as particularly cool. “Yo, that movie was lit, bro.”

Lowkey: to a certain extent. As in “I lowkey think we have a chance in this game.”

Mid: average, below standard. “Yo, bro, what do you think of the fit?” “Meh, mid.”

OD: “Overdone” When someone is discussing a situation ad infinitum: “Yo, that’s OD, bro.”

Pause: While this might seem obvious, it is meant more to bring everything to a complete and full stop. Someone has gone too far.

Rizz: short for “charisma” and used to describe someone who has the innate ability to be attractive to potential mates.

Say less: This can be a bit rude, used to get someone to stop talking, similar to OD.

Sus: Short for “suspect” meaning questionable. “Yo, bro, that meat in the cafeteria today was sus!”