No matter where you stand on the political spectrum, there is no denying that the first few months of the second Trump administration have created a stir. But this is not a political column, I write about wine. Thus, I find it curious that there has been little to no mention in the press about one of the more potentially consequential responses from the French government in the ongoing trade dispute with the United States.

According to the French Ministry of Agriculture (le Ministère de l’agriculture, de l’agroalimentaire et de la forêt), as of April 1^st, 2025, American wine producers will no longer be able to use the French varietal names on their labels. In other words, American wine producers will have to come up with new ways to identify their Pinot Noirs, Cabernet Sauvignons, and Chardonnays.

The Ministry cited the Madrid Protocol (ratified in 1983 but not joined by the U.S. until 2003) as the legitimization for their move. In short, the accord set the guidelines for international copyright law. Although there is no explicit language concerning wine varieties, the French specifically grandfathered in several producers of “American Champagne” (it is strictly forbidden to use the term outside of the Champagne region), allowing those producers to continue to use the term in perpetuity just so the U.S. would join the Madrid Protocol. Now, it seems, the French are going one step further to include “French heritage varieties” in the implied prohibition and this time, they made it clear, there will be no exceptions.

What will this mean for the U.S. wine industry? According to James and Kerry MacPhail, owners of the small production Tongue Dancer Wines in Healdsburg, California, the cost and upheaval will be monumental. Each of their dozen labels will have to be redesigned and then submitted to the Alcohol and Tobacco Tax and Trade Bureau (TTB), a process that already takes at least several weeks, but if nearly every wine in the country needs a new label at once? “It’s a disaster, a freaking disaster” according to James.

“Happy?”, he continued, “Yeah, I hope the French are real proud of themselves with this move. But most of the winemakers I have spoken to say: ‘Screw the French!’ My wife and I had always wanted to do the whole April in Paris thing, but when we heard this, we immediately cancelled that trip, we are no Fools. I hear Detroit is beautiful this time of year. At least during the Day. “

Christopher O’Gorman, the Senior Director of Marketing at Rodney Strong Vineyards had a decidedly different take. It seems their creative team has been furiously working to come up with some acceptable substitutes for the now prohibited terms. “While we we’re certainly not “Happy” hearing the news, we got to work. We have been keeping a close eye on that April 1^st date, determined to get our paperwork in early to the TTB, hoping to avoid looking Foolish. I’ll be honest, we have struggled, and I am frustrated. At the end of the Day, I am tempted to go with ‘Pee No More’ which is how my son pronounced the variety when he was around four.” 

Just before the deadline for this article, I spoke to George Plimpton, the current head of the TTB. Like many other federal agencies, the TTB has experienced significant staff reductions. In fact, out of an estimated 500 employees, they are currently down to just five (four if you consider that Plimpton is set to retire, “off to make paper lions with my grandchildren”). But Plimpton is confident in his remaining staff, or, more precisely, in one particular employee.

“Sidd Finch is remarkable. Just amazing. I don’t know how he does it, but he can process 168 wine label applications an hour without batting an eye. What’s the trick? I have no idea, but I do know that he barely sleeps, but when he does, it is on the floor for precisely two hours and nine minutes. When he wakes, he insists on playing the French horn for exactly 37 minutes and then he is right back at work. Now, I know nothing about the instrument, but it sounds pretty good to me. And when I hear it, that means Sidd will be back at work soon. It’s literally music to my ears.”

At the risk of sounding cliché, this is a developing story. Please stay tuned for the latest updates.