Last night, the wife was not around, so I had to get my drink on all by myself. For those of you that know me, you realize just how stupid a comment that is. Even when my wife is around I usually am required to get my drink on by myself (actually that part is not really true–but no one will ever take my wife for a raging boozer, which is how I am universally perceived). The hint that this is somehow a chore is also completely asinine, but, well, back to our story. For dinner, with my three year old as sous chef, we made one of our staples: sautéed chicken with a crème fraiche and mushroom sauce over egg noodles*. Being that the wife was at work, I decided to take it easy with two 375ml half bottles instead of one 750ml bottle. After all, I do have two kids and I need to be responsible.

One of those bottles was a 2002 Pine Ridge Chardonnay Dijon Clones. (I know you might be wondering what the hell ‘Dijon Clones‘ are. Well, simply put, they are fancy schmancy vines that were originally brought over from Dijon, France. Dijon is the capital of Burgundy, which is where the world’s most expensive chardonnay is produced.) I had recently acquired the bottle from an internet auction site and knew it was not getting any better. I must say that Pine Ridge is a respectable brand and they do make a fine chardonnay, which I am sure this once was. Most chardonnay produced in the U.S. should be consumed rather quickly (2-3 years). Some of the better wines can last longer, but even those should be guzzled down before the wine hits 7-8 years old. This one was just about ten years old, so my concern was merited. I popped the cork and sloshed some into my favorite wine glass. Yikes. The color was closer to Yuengling than it was to chardonnay. In fact, it was closer to Guinness, for chrissakes. Even my eight year old son had to voice his concern: “Daddy, what is wrong with that wine? It doesn’t look right.” For a moment, I was rather proud of him–he had clearly learned a bit about wine! I quickly realized, however, that any semi-aware bystander could have made a quick phone call and I would be in quite a predicament.

So back to the title of this seemingly endless post. ‘Flawed’. I choose not to get into all of the ways wine can be flawed here since a ton of others have already done that (here’s a pretty good explanation) since I am trying to be witty and hilarious. Hilarious never includes the terms “2,4,6-trichloroanisole” or “brettanomyces“. For most intents and purposes, ‘flawed’ means either the wine smells like crap, tastes like shit, or both. Of course, a horrible wine could both smell like crap and taste like shit, yet not technically be ‘flawed’. But no one should be drinking anything that smells like crap and tastes like shit, so it might as well be considered flawed.

Unless you’re me.

See, I have this problem that my wife and most of my wino friends think is ridiculous. Even though I always spout the cliché “Life’s too short to drink bad wine” (usually to justify buying slightly more expensive wine than I can afford) I violate it all the time. Maybe the fact that I’m such a cheap bastard overrides the mantra. Actually, I would not say I am cheap, I just hate wasting stuff, particularly if I bought it. So like 99.9% of the flawed bottles I have opened, I drank the schlock. Every last drop. And boy was it awful. Mostly, it was an oxidized, medicine cabinet sort of mess (I might have tasted some fruit, but I have no idea what and it only lasted for a heartbeat).  As far as I can recall, there has only been one wine I have ever poured out, and it was not technically ‘flawed’, it was just completely and utterly devoid of any redeeming qualities (in other words, it horrible and it was non-alcoholic, but that is for another post).

Thus I leave it to you to create your own definition of ‘Flawed’. Unless you are my wife. I already know what she would say….

*The recipe is rather simple: pound out a couple chicken breasts (no need to totally beat the shit out of them, just flatten a bit) and season both sides with salt and pepper. I also put some Bosari (the black one) on there. Sauté some garlic, onion and shallots in a bit of butter, then put the chicken breast right on top, turn once. Total cooking time about 5 minutes. Remove the chicken and keep warm. Add another hunk of butter and a bunch of sliced mushrooms to what was left in the pan and sauté. After the mushrooms have reduced a bit, add a half a cup of crème fraiche (or even sour cream) and heat until it starts to simmer. Put the chicken breast on a bed of egg noodles and spoon the mushroom sauce over the top.

Wine:  Serve a chardonnay (ideally not ‘flawed’).  Try to avoid heavy oak.  For all you suckers out there like me mired in the Commonwealth, the 2009 Domaine Drouhin Arthur would be a great choice at $20 if you can still find it.  As I write this, I am gulping down the 2007 Demuth Pinot Noir and after a bit of a slow start, it is outstanding.  Going out to buy a case tomorrow at $13 (+ tax) in PA.