Well this weekend marks another year on this earth for me.  As the anniversary of my birth approached, the other day I decided I needed to take inventory.  I did not need to take inventory of ‘my life’ (although I reserve the right to do that later) or of our boys’ respective development (physical, emotional, cognitive, or even ‘arrested’).  No, I just needed to take an inventory of our wine. Our basement cellar is overrun by two main things and it would not take a rocket surgeon to figure out what those two things are: bikes, wine, and of course junk.  The bike inventory is rather easy to take.  Although my wife claims I have far too many bikes, an ‘inventory’ is swift.  The junk I have no desire to inventory–I just hope someday it will eventually disappear.  The wine, on the other hand, will take some work.

I use the online software called Cellar Tracker for inventory management, and it is a great tool (for those interested, my ‘cellar’ is viewable, but you will have to figure out my ‘handle’).  Fairly intuitive and easy to use as long as you use it, meaning you have to remember to add and delete bottles as you go.  Therein lies the problem.  For me, it is generally more fun to add the wine than it is to remove it. If I think about this in a ‘taking inventory of my life’ kind of way, it is entirely possible that this means that I am a greedy, materialistic, pack rat.  So let’s just not think about it in that way, ‘kay?

This is not my cellar. This is from Wine Enthusiast. I am a subscriber to the magazine–maybe they will give me a custom cellar for free?

Well, I told my wife as I headed down into the basement cellar last weekend that I was determined to make it through the whole ‘collection’.  Her response:

“Good luck with that.”

I thought I saw this as an opening, so I pounced: “Would you like to come down and help?”  I thought that since she did her fair share of consumption she might want to help with inventory.  I also thought this could be somewhat of a bonding experience (really, I did think that).  Her response:

[Crickets]

I thought that maybe she did not hear me and considered asking again, but I am a pretty firm believer in ‘cut your losses.’  I also figured the less she knew about what was going on down there the better.  So down I went the twelve rickety steps of doom.  Now, it was not nearly that dramatic, as I actually like going down there, but ‘rickety steps of doom’ just came to me and sounded cool. But I knew that the inventory was going to take the better part of a day, and who wants to spend the better part of the day repeatedly confirming how disorganized you are?

Who am I kidding?  The last such inventory took me three weeks to complete, partly because I have too much wine, but mostly because I approached it like I did my dissertation–something I needed to get done, but there was no time limit, so what’s the rush?

This is not my cellar either. It is from Vigilant Inc. (if they would like to give me a free cellar in exchange for just about anything, I am game)

Part of the reason for my hesitancy was that I knew there were going to be bottles ‘missing’.  Not from our baby sitter going down there and helping herself (although, now that you mention it…), but rather due to the aforementioned issue I have about removing the wine upon consumption.  Every time I find that a bottle is missing I feel awful.  In part, I guess because it underscores my inadequacies in cellar management, but more because since I do not remember drinking the bottle, we never drank it (though obviously we did).  Therefore I feel like I lost it.  Perfectly irrational thought, I know, but as I have mentioned before, I have issues.

On the weekends, I frequently find myself out in the back ‘yard’ (we live in the city and have absolutely no grass–if I were overtly religious, I would say something like “Thank you, Jesus” but I’m not, so I won’t) going through the recycling bin trying to ‘remember’ what we drank.  If I could track it, I am sure the majority of missing bottles were consumed on Monday or Tuesday.  That might seem odd, but consider that we have recycling on Wednesday and it starts to make a bit more sense.

As of this past Monday, I had inventoried about 27% of the basement cellar.  When you think about it, that might sound a little underwhelming, but when you consider it took me a couple of years to write my dissertation, it really is not that bad.

So far, here are the changes to the cellar.  You always hope for a few in the plus column, but the debits always outweigh the additions.  There actually was another addition, the Vinho Verde I wrote about HERE, but since I drank it the day I found it, I did not even bother to enter it into Cellar Tracker.  That might be cheating.  I will have to check with the judges…

‘Losses’:

2008 Argyle Brut: This was no doubt good.  Since it was also inexpensive, I probably sabered it with a wine glass.  That was likely very cool.  I am sure our guests were very awestruck.  Probably.

2007 Château Paradis Coteaux d’Aix en Provence Terre des Anges Rosé: I have written about this recently (HERE) and it was getting over the hill.  So I likely drank this alone in the basement cellar while contemplating taking an inventory–so as not to subject any one else to its over-the-hill-ed-ness.  I am so magnanimous.

2009 Red Truck Wines Pink Truck: I bought these from the PLCB to go with Korean BBQ.  They are really sweet.  White Zin sweet.  I hope this is the one the babysitter took.

The next three hurt.  They cut right to the bone.  I do not think I can even comment on each individual wine.  I am sobbing, weeping as I write this.  You no idea if that is true, so you might as well believe me.

2007 Failla Chardonnay Keefer Ranch

2007 Melville Estate Chardonnay

2006 Patz and Hall Chardonnay Hyde Vineyard

And last:

2009 Domaine Saint Martin Muscadet de Sèvre-et-Maine Sur Lie: I bought these to use to make Kirs.  If you have never had a Kir, that means you were not at our house when we drank this, therefore you will be of no use trying to figure out if it was any good.  Thanks a lot.

‘Found’:

N.V. Deligeroy Crémant de Loire Rosé Brut: Our house rosé.  Only one extra ‘found’.  Might as well drink it tonight.  And saber it.  This time I am going to try and use a soup spoon. Or maybe a ruler.  A chop stick would likely not work, but it would impress my in-laws to no end.  I will work on that and get back to you.

2011 Domaine des Carteresses Tavel Rosé: I ‘found’ three more of these which would be cool if the wine had been great, but it wasn’t.  Reviewed HERE.

2001 Trimbach Gewürztraminer Cuvée des Seigneurs de Ribeaupierre: If this had been a Riesling I would have been a little more stoked (California term), but even though it is a Gewurz, it is better than, I don’t know, a pinot grigio from Italy.

That’s it.  I will try and get to the rest this weekend, but who am I kidding?  My birthday just means my family is unusually nice to me for the first three hours of the day, which I use to go on a long bike ride.  Then I will be tired and maybe take a nap.  Procrastination produces much less guilt if you plan out your diversions ahead of time….