When I started this blog almost a year ago, I had every intention of having it be a blend of wine and cycling (hence the name of the site) with a few other idiotic ramblings tossed in.  Other than a few exceptions (notably A Sad Day), I have not waxed poetically or otherwise about cycling. One of my New Year’s Resolutions, I think, was to address that imbalance. In the coming weeks, I hope to publish a few posts about the intersection of wine and cycling, but that needs a bit of time to get off the ground. So instead, I am going with an article that has been in the ‘draft’ stage for several months.  Given that the weather here in Philly has been far from frightful this winter, I thought that this post about the rules for riding in a group would still ring true in the winter months. 

I have been riding competitively (more or less) for at least half of my life, and a good portion of the training I have done has been in large group rides. On a summer weekend here in Philadelphia, those group rides can number over a hundred riders (at least at the start). Unfortunately, at least a few of them have absolutely no clue how to ride in a large group, therefore endangering every other person on the ride. So in the hope of making my life a little safer (it is all about me after all), I offer a few rules for the group ride:

Rule #1–Know where you are going.  Look, we know that you think you are really strong at that you are just dying to tear our legs off, but if you slow down at every intersection and look back for us to tell you which way to go, you are just going to piss us off.  Part of the beauty of the group ride is not thinking about where you are going–you are spoiling it for all of us.  Either go on the ride a few times and learn the route or go out and get lost on a solo ride, but stay off the front because we are all giving you the finger back here.

Rule #2–Don’t do stupid sh*t.  There are many reasons to go on a group ride, not the least of which is that there is safety in numbers. If you have been riding long enough you have experienced some dicey situations with motorists, including (hopefully not) being hit by a car.  When you dive in between and around cars, you might be fine since you’re an idiot and have been doing this for years on your solo rides.  (The fact that you are still alive is proof that Darwin was horribly wrong, by the way.)  The problem is that the schmuck behind you, trying desperately to hold onto your wheel (because he is a newbie and does not yet realize that you are an imbecile) is going to try and do the same thing and he is likely going to hit the pavement.  Remember: on a group ride you implicitly accept that it is the job of every individual to look out for the safety of every other individual (within reason) on the ride.

Rule #3–Don’t flip off cars or chase them down at a light.  I used to do this all the time when I was younger (and therefore an idio).  It is a simple rule of Physics (or maybe evolution): in a contest between a two ton car (that’s 4000 pounds for those of you that suck at math-’S.A.M.’) and a 18 pound bike (for you S.A.M.ers: that is less than 1/2 of 1% of the weight of the car) the car always wins.  I learned this lesson playing basketball in college–I got into a scrap with our star center who was 6’8″ (no it was not that long ago–I played Division III where a 6’8″ guy is essentially a seven footer).  I was soooo right, but my coach said directly “He is 6’8″, you are 6’4″.  He’s right.”  This does not mean you have to like the way cars treat cyclists, nor does it preclude you from sharing some choice words for him/her with your fellow riders, but extending your middle digit or worse, chasing after them, could end miserably.  It will also only serve to reinforce their perception that we are a bunch of weirdos and or jackrabbits that should be run off the road and the next time he encounters a cyclist….

Rule #4–Be predictable. The rest of the riders in the group assume one thing–that everyone else in the group knows what they are doing. When you swerve around or dart in and out between riders, that is not being predictable, that’s being an idiot. Don’t be an idiot. Whether you want to realize it or not, our collective safety depends on you. I am riding at 25-30 mph with my front wheel an inch or two behind your rear wheel. You do something unpredictable and I am likely going down with but a thin layer of lycra as ‘protection’. Before you change your line (the ‘path’ you are currently riding), make sure you are not about to cut someone off. Be very deliberate about your intentions and actions.

Rule #5–Stop looking at your speedometer or your wattage meter—instead of watching little tiny screens on your handlebars, I have a different idea: watch where you are going! If you need to know how fast or how hard you are riding, you are not ready to ride in a group. You do not need a gizmo to understand this: you need to ride as hard and as fast as the rest of the group. Period. If you can’t do that, no power meter is going to help. If you can, you will notice by the fact that you are not getting dropped—no need to check your instruments for that.