When I started this blog almost a year ago, I had every intention of having it be a blend of wine and cycling (hence the name of the site) with a few other idiotic ramblings tossed in.  Other than a few exceptions (notably A Sad Day), I have not waxed poetically or otherwise about cycling. One of my New Year’s Resolutions, I think, was to address that imbalance. In the coming weeks, I hope to publish a few posts about the intersection of wine and cycling, but that needs a bit of time to get off the ground. So instead, I am going with an article that has been in the ‘draft’ stage for several months.  Given that the weather here in Philly has been far from frightful this winter, I thought that this post about the rules for riding in a group would still ring true in the winter months. Part One can be found HERE.

From Wikipedia

Rule # 6—Don’t Wear a Pro Kit. There are several things about cycling that I do not understand. Near the top of the list is the bias against wearing professional teams’ kits (a ‘kit’ is the ‘uniform’ that professional cyclists wear—I hate saying the word ‘kit’ by the way). Perhaps more than any other sport in cycling you look like a complete tool (known as a ‘Fred’ or ‘Phred’) if you wear any team jersey other than your own. Others on the group ride will avoid you like the plague since they figure (perhaps correctly) that you have absolutely no clue how to ride in a group—because if you did, you would realize you should not be wearing that ‘kit’. Listen, I did not make the rules…..

Rule #7–Stop at lights. This is another rule that I used to violate on a regular basis when I was young (and therefore an idiot). I get it—you have been riding hard for a while, you were cooking along in ‘zone 3’ and you were able to drop a few of the Phreds in the Sky ‘kits’ (I hate even typing that term) on the last hill. If you stop at the light all of those gains are lost. Well, if you don’t stop, you (or someone else) might get killed. Stopping at lights is always a good thing, besides, it also lets fat old guys like me latch back on.

Rule #8–Stop when people have a mechanical. A mechanical is when something on the bike goes wrong (flat tire, a broken chain, etc.). Perhaps the rider has the wherewithal to handle what is wrong by himself but I know this for certain–he/she would very much appreciate it if you would hang out and wait. No one likes to be the one to hold everybody up, but the 15 minutes you spend waiting for the dude will fill up your karma bank. So the next time that you get a flat and forgot to bring along a spare tube, those peeps will stop for you.

Rule # 9–Don’t crash. You don’t want to crash, so don’t. Pay attention to where you are going and anticipate what is going to happen. This is not a race and there is no prize at the end. Don’t put yourself or me at risk of going down because you think it prudent to pull an asinine maneuver to beat everyone to the stop light at the top pf the hill.

Rule #10–Pull off before you allow a gap. Inevitably during the course of a group ride, the pace will pick up and things will get strung out single file. Unless you are the caboose, you need to realize that there is some chump on your wheel trying to keep pace with the front. Once you allow a gap to open up in front of you, the poor slob on your wheel is going to have to bust a nut to latch back on. Before this happens, you should realize that you are not up to snuff and get the way in order to give this old fat guy a half of a chance to think he is marginally fast.

Rule #11–‘Half Wheeling’ is a big no-no. Half Wheeling is when you are at the front and are constantly trying to show everyone else that you are as strong as a moose by staying a half wheel ahead of them. This causes the other guy to speed up, and then you feel the need to prove your masculinity again by going a half wheel ahead. Pretty soon, the whole ride is blown to smithereens with riders all over the road. If you feel the need to prove how strong you are, go to the front and hammer your brains out. If you soon find yourself all alone, go ahead and think it is because you are such a beast. (The truth is, however, that we let you go because we want a nice group ride. Oh, and because we think you are a complete jerk.)

Rule #12–Say hello to people and learn their names. For me, this might be the most important of all the rules. In my mind, you go on a group ride to see some of the people you only get to see on these rides. Find out how they are doing, learn that their kid who you remember being born is now 12, laugh at the guy who is clearly wearing cologne, etc. Group rides are supposed to be semi-social events–learn someone’s name on each and every ride and remember it for the next time. Pretty soon, you might even be popular, which no one ever thought was possible when you were back in high school.