I recently mentioned that I just passed my second anniversary for this blog and surprisingly, some people who are not directly connected to me seem to read my mindless drivel elegant prose. For whatever reason, some out there in the wine industry have decided that it would be a good idea to send me stuff..
There has been a bit of wine, which I like to share with people on my block, and a few accessories here and there, which I am always happy to give a try. About a month ago, I received these:
Wine Straws. From a company called, curiously enough, www.winestraws.com
When they first contacted me, I checked out the website for a bit of insight since the thought of drinking wine with a straw was anathema to me (outside of the Pommery Pop splits of champagne that came with their own straws). Conceptually, these are pretty cool–if you drink a lot of red wine and don’t want to stain your teeth, the straws transport the wine right past your pearly whites and thus, the staining is negligible. I also thought there might be some aeration benefit–sucking the wine up through a straw might aspirate the wine a bit, adding some oxygen, thus releasing some of the wine’s esters (that is a pseudo-fancy term, which essentially means that you can smell and taste the wine better).
After the straws arrived, it took me a while to get around to try them, but this past Sunday, it was “go time.” The straws themselves are fairly impressive–they certainly look like glass, but, according to the website, are “made from a high-quality BPA-free and FDA-approved plastic.” They are both reusable and recyclable (two very good features in my book), so I opened a bottle of older Zin, sloshed some wine into a glass and plopped in the straw.
The first thing I noticed is that they are a bit too short for the unfortunate combination of my rather large Oregon Pinot Noir glass and my gigantic mouth (mouth not pictured):
On the aeration front, I guess there might be some, but it is negligible since the straw limits the use of the nose (where 75% or more of taste occurs). With an older wine (like the wine I was drinking) it seemed to have the effect of highlighting the acid and minimizing the fruit. There was another problem with using the straw with and older wine: since the straw rests on the bottom of the glass, it sucked up all of the sediment.
After I thought about it a bit, I realized that the target audience for the straws were not likely to use them for 25 year-old wines.
I decided to give them another try the following night with a younger wine.
My wife got home rather late from work and neither one of us felt like cooking, so we bundled up the kids and walked down to our neighborhood restaurant. Even though they got their liquor license a while ago, they take pity on my pathetic soul and still let me bring my own wine since we have been there at least 200 times (and that is a conservative estimate).
As we were leaving, I made sure that my wife brought the straws, determined to give them another go. On the five-minute walk to the restaurant, I worried that I would look like a dork drinking wine out of a straw in a public place–kind of what I call the moped syndrome: “fun to ride until your friends see you.” But I figured I could be rather suave and debonair about the whole thing since basically, that’s just how I roll.
I ordered a glass of wine (I always do that when we bring our own wine so that I do not feel too guilty using their stemware), and when I finished that glass, I pulled out our bottle. I also bring my own corkscrew, so that the wait staff is not burdened with having to open the bottle (well, that is only half true–I am basically afraid they will screw it up and break the cork).
I figured that I had all of my bases covered. I could non-nonchalantly open the bottle, slip in the straw, take a few notes for the review, and none of the other patrons would be any the wiser.
Idiot.
First, I left my phone at work, so my normal note and picture-taking procedure was not available. Next, I did not plan on the cork breaking, but not to worry, normally, I am quite adept at removing a broken cork (and equally adept at ignoring the inherent irony of worrying that the waiter would break the cork).
Not this time.
After about ten minutes of struggle, 27 curse words said under my breath, my son asking me what I just said 26 of those times, having the waitress ask if I wanted any help (followed by several more silent curse words and assuring myself that she most certainly would have broken the cork, too), a mound of cork particles all over the table and floor, I eventually had to do something that I almost never do.
I pushed the cork back into the bottle.
Talk about looking suave and debonair….
Nonetheless, I was determined to try the straws again. I poured the wine and noticed all the cork particles in the glass. I then realized that the straw was now a godsend–since the straw pulled the wine up from the bottom, and the cork all floated on top, I would not have to chew through any tree bark!
Another “accidental genius” moment.
All in all, wine straws are a pretty cool idea–my wife liked them and certainly saw their utility. They are fairly inexpensive ($3.49 for a pack of four or $8.99 for a twelve pack plus tax and shipping–about another four bucks), so they might be good to have on hand if for no other reason that you can look like an “accidental genius”.
the drunken cyclist 
Sounds interesting. I really rely in my sense of smell with wine, but I thunk these would be great for kombucha… 🙂
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Had to Google kombucha….
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Mate, sorry to laugh at your misfortune that evening but this was a very funny post. Thanks for sharing. And thank goodness for the straw in the end!
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People have been laughing at my misfortune all my life–it’s my comfort zone!
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That is an awesome story…one that I could see happening to my ownself! The straw idea is interesting. Unless I order a drink at a fast food restaurant, I never drink out of a straw. I once ordered a Margarita, and forgot to take the straw out, like I normally do. I was conversing and giggling with my friends, reached down blindly for the drink, and went to take a sip. That straw went directly up my nose and stuck into the lining of my nares. I was shocked, and after I pulled it out, blood was everywhere!!!! I was mortified! Anyway, while the idea of the wine straw is intriguing, I may just have to hold off on trying it for now. 🙂
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That is tragically hilarious! (Except the blood part–it always makes me queasy)
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Those straws are clever.
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I thought the dentists in the crowd would be fans…
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Haha. As a dental hygienist, I am definitely a fan.
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Do they have a bendy-version? I prefer my straws to bend. But next time I end up with cork in my wine, I’m totally using a straw.
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I do not think they have a bendy version, but you are correct, when given the choice, bendy straws are always the way to go….
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Great use of a wine straw!
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I think it made me feel like a little bit less than a full-blown idiot.
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Very funny! I do know people who use straws to prevent stains, but I’m with you- they look kinda dorkish!
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Yeah, it is really tough trying to look cool while your tongue is fishing around for the straw…
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come on. The wine is not a soft drink… i would like to see Mr Antinori the fatter of the italian wine drinking a Sassicaia or an Ornellaia with a straw… maybe im wrong but i like the old style. nice big glass of wine and thats it…
cheers
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On the surface, I agree, but these are not being marketed to the Mr. Antinoris of the world (nor to those who even know what Sassicaia is, for that matter).
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Consider us skeptical – we don’t even drink cocktails through a straw unless it’s a swizzle full of cracked ice or maybe in a pineapple “glass.” But your writeup was hilariously educational. Congratulations on your 2 years blogging!
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Yeah, I don’t even drink sodas out of a straw when we go to Five Guys. Glad you got a chuckle out of it though!
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Thank you for that light-hearted moment! Cheers!
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Good on you for embracing the wine straws, I think I’d rather drink wine out of a shoe than a straw myself… I agree with Wine Channel, I’ll save the straws for my Coke 🙂
Thanks for sharing your excellent adventure.
Cheers! April
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Drinking wine out of a shoe? Hmmmm…. I’m thinking blog post of the year!
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Don’t worry…we’re laughing WITH you 😉
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I get that a lot…
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So funny! 🙂 I must talk about these wine straws to Mr Côte-Roti-Viking, or I’ll probably just buy a pack for him to play shangai (pick up sticks) on my head!
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Yeah, not sure your Viking will be down with the straw….
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Awesome post…great story and great sense of humor 😉
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Thanks! Cheers!
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I break corks regularly – clumsiness or desperation? I like to think both. I also pull capsules off in one go, much to the chagrin of my more anally retentive friends. Robert Joseph recently got behind “a funny blog” which wasn’t funny – yours is, thanks for making me giggle.
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Thanks so much! I personally think that corkscrews are just not long enough since I have always been told that size is everything….
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It’s always been my little secret that I often use a straw when drinking red wine at home to avoid stains on my lips and teeth, but I had no idea that you could get proper straws for this. Well done for being brave enough to use them in public!
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I never knew either–you should give them a try, they are very good straws!
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Funny article. Just started drinking wine from a straw. The enamel on rear side of front teeth is eroding which, I believe, caused by holding sips of wine with my tongue on upper pallet. Have not yet done this at restaurants but maybe. Or could just gulp the wine as do my friends. François
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Yeah, even when i was trying the straw, the desire to gulp was omnipresent….
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The straw idea is quite interesting, and one I will definitely be trying. Thanks for the heads up, and the laughs too,
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Thanks so much for the comment!
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hysterical post, as always. love the moped syndrome!!! hee hee hee
I’ve got to buy these for one of my daughters who swears that all red wine stain her teeth. thanks!!!
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Thanks so much Mimi!
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