We drink wine just about every night. On the weekends, we usually have a few people over and have been known to crack a fair number of bottles over the course of the weekend. During the week, though, we keep it to one bottle a night maximum.There are plenty of reasons for this–not the least of which is hoping to stay employed–nothing says “fire me now” more than showing up at work hung over.
So it is a good idea to keep it to a single bottle between us when the following day requires me to wake up and be something close to productive. When I started dating my wife, this still meant that I was getting the lion’s share of the bottle since my wife is Asian and has some difficulty processing alcohol. Usually, after about a glass, she would be beet red, radiating heat, and I would be happy. I was faced with the dilemma of whether I should polish off four fifths of a bottle myself, but that is a rather fortunate predicament to ponder.
We have been together now for close to fifteen years and in that time she has built up a bit of tolerance. Normally, one would think this was a good thing since I now have a “drinking buddy”, a partner in crime, if you will. Well, yes, but it also means that she is looking for more than just a single glass out of each bottle. These days, more often than not, I am faced with a different quandary–coming up with a way to trick my wife out of the last glass in a bottle (but don’t tell anybody–I think I am still in the running for husband-of-the-year),
There are times, though, when we reach the end of the bottle and, well, I could use another glass (or seven). The other night was one of those instances. A brief recap of the day:
- Work was particularly frustrating. All right, I am not the only one in the world who has ever had a long day at work, I get it–if work did not suck, they would not call it “work.” That is all I will say on the matter (for fear that my boss reads this blog).
- Winter storm Leon. The storm did not have a great impact on Philly, but the 1-2 inches overnight caused me to almost bite it (that is a hip cycling term that means “crash”) into a rather large bus while riding my bike to work. I decided staying alive was better than reducing carbon emissions (although the two might be more intricately intertwined than we currently imagine) and had my wife drive me to work.
Speaking of winter storms. I realized that they started naming winter storms this year (this might have happened earlier, but the past few winters here in Philly have been rather mild, so I have not really given a honey badger). The first storm was Hercules, the next Janus. I figured that there had to be some back-handed attempt to get me to finally learn Greek and Roman mythology. Today I learned about Leon. Leon? The only Leons I know are Leon Spinks and Leon Trotsky, and neither had anything to do with Greek mythology. Just before I entered indignant mode and posted something snarky to Facebook, I decided to Google Leon. Turns out “Leon” was a lion-headed giant in Greek mythology. Fudge! No longer able to post my diatribe on Facebook without looking like a total jack-rabbit.-
From the Washington Post
The Polar Vortex. There was a new concept invented this month: The Polar Vortex. Frigid temps. Snow up the wazoo. Hell freezing over. Enough already! Why does there need to be a “vortex”? Whatever happened to just “polar air coming down from Canada”? Why the need to go all “vortex”? Now we are just making crap up. By the way, if you mention that this is proof to discredit climate change, I will punch you in the head.
- My dog died. (This actually happened three years ago, and I am just now coming to grips with it, so it counts.)
The ice dam. I learned another new concept this month: Ice dam. I am still not entirely sure what it is, but it goes a little something like this. It is sunny out. The snow on your roof melts (despite the Polar Vortex). The melted snow makes its way to the gutter where it then freezes (due to the Polar Vortex). Water starts pouring into your living room and short circuits your T.V. You try not to curse, to no avail. Your kid looks at you like you just pooped in his Cheerios, but you are not sure if it is due to the language coming out of your mouth or the sparks coming out of the T.V. Father-of-the-year down the tubes and it is still January (but still in the running for husband-of-the-year if you all can keep your mouths shut).
So with all of this as a backdrop (I did not include coaching basketball practice for my son’s team, nor learning that we would be heading out to the in-laws for a week for Spring “Break”), I decided that it was OK to open another bottle while I watched the basketball game.
Ahhhh, that’s better.
At least it was until my team lost.
the drunken cyclist 
Are you going to tell us what the bottle was?
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It was a bottle of rather nondescript Willamette Pinot Noir. Wish I had a better story around it….
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I’m glad you can rant here, as opposed to you filling up my Facebook news feed with your lamentations…:)
When Nina and I met, despite her being barely drinking age, she already knew how to “drink me under the table”, as we call it in German aka she had at least as much of a tolerance as I do. So, second bottles have not necessarily been a staple in our household, but they definitely occur. You’re golden in my book.
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As long as I am golden in your book….
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I think the number one perk (just discovered) of living alone is never sharing my wine… But then I think that might also be the number one disadvantage too… 🙂
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Positives and negatives everywhere….
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How did you manage to watch basketball on a sparking, short-circuited TV? You are amazing. BTW – we also had “the dam” grrrrrr .
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Two T.V.s….
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I’m thinking you have a book in you and wine should be a central theme.
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I agree with you, there’s definitely a book screaming to come out!
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I am in the process of thinking about it more!
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I drink wine every night too. I usually drink half of a bottle, but can sometimes talk myself into 3/4! I really feel fine about it, until I go to empty my recyclables!!! 🙂
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Yeah, that recycling bin is a scary sight–I wish they would pick them up at least twice a week so that I would not be faced with all those bottles!
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There is something to be said for living where there is weather. As you know we are in the middle of a drought! Should be good for stressing the vines and a huge grape production…..the down side the grocery store produce section will be empty because most of those things come from California.
And then again, if the vines never go dormant because the weather is too warm, bud break happens now and we have harvest in July(instead of Sept and Oct)…….a good reason for two bottle nights, it is like “Groundhog Day” the movie with the same weather everyday for 10 months.
Hang in there! I would say that because the weather always changes, this year not so much…..more dry for us and more cold for you.
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I keep hoping that you guys get a few drops of rain out there–I have heard it is starting to get desperate.
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Just pray that spring comes before winter storm Zeus!
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Ha! Great point!
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Leon kicked our butts in OBX, thank goodness for blogs and intoxicants, lol. Enjoyed your post. Keep warm.
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You guys tend to get a lot of storms down there, no? Stay warm as well!
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Fortunately, as far as sipping wine goes, I drink my white whilst my hubs drinks red. Over a nice dinner, however, we end up with two empty wine bottles. C’est la vie.
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To me, that’s a good “vie”!
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Great pic of Trotsky…
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It is one of my favorites of him–I was a Russian history major at one point…
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That was one funny post. They should popularize a 1000 ml bottle, no make it a quart– 946ml. We can call it “The American”. Then you don’t have to go to work hung over.
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I think you may be on to something there!
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Aaahhh . . . the Honey Badger scale of caring. We use it often. Because the Honey Badger is awesome. I can’t imagine the vice my head would be in if I drank an entire bottle of wine by myself. My tolerance is working backward as I get older. Moderation or pain . . . so moderation. Phooey. Salud!
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Love the honey badger–I am responsible for at least a 100 hits on that video!
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ah, the inevitable ice dam. ranks right up there with the frost heave, which thankfully, hasn’t made an appearance yet in NJ, but I remember them fondly from Maine.
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Have we discussed either where you are in Jersey or where you were in Maine (I went to school up there)?
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maybe, a while back. I grew up in Waterville and went to Colby. Now I live in Glen Ridge (NJ).
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Colby? Ugh. Sorry. Bowdoin here 😉
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I have to say, the battle that i have with myself over whether to open that second bottle is forgotten within about a millisecond of the cork going ‘pop’…”it’s too late now, decision made, might as well pour a large one too, make it count”.
By the way, nothing personal, but in my experience if you think your wife doesn’t know that you’re trying to trick her out of the last glass, you’re kidding yourself…she knew before you knew 😉
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Great line: “forgotten within about a millisecond of the cork going ‘pop’” And yes, I know that she knows, but we both don’t say anything since she likes to make me feel like I am getting away with something…
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Sounds like a two-bottle sort of day.
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The bad thing is I seem to be having more of them!
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You are so on the money!!
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I will take that as a compliment….
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Why of course! I’ve just tweeted my 2 bottle Friday night!
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Planning on a few more than two tonight!
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One word…magnum. 🙂
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That is perhaps the best word in the English language….
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You were drinking for warmth — totally acceptable, medicinal, and, actually, downright responsible. If not for that wine, you could have frozen!
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Are you a doctor? If not, you should be!
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I read recently that the term ‘Polar Vortex’ was coined in the ’50’s, so it actually was invented before global warming. Two thoughts to cheer you up, 1. all dogs go to heaven 2. Don’t your in-laws live near wine country?
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Really? It is that old? I thought I paid more attention than that! Yes, the in-laws live somewhat near to wine country–it is the only way I agree to go so much…
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