We have wine every night.
There were times that I tried to deny it, but in reality, we pop (at least) one cork a night to have with dinner. I used to think we were the only couple on the planet that had a bottle every night, but since starting this blog, I have found that there are plenty of others out there that share our fondness for the fermented.
The other night, however, I was forced to forgo the cherished nightly ritual as a few competing issues rendered our regular routine unrealistic. My wife was bogged down at work, so I was on kid pick-up duty. I raced home from work, traded my bike for our car, and drove out to the suburbs to pick up Sebastian. It was then over to West Philly to pick up my lovely wife, and then finally home. Just as I set foot in the house, I remembered that I had an appointment downtown at the Apple Store’s Genius Bar—my new laptop was not working properly and after countless attempts to rectify the problem over the phone, the techs at Apple told me I needed to take the machine in to the store to be evaluated.
Judge if you must.
I felt bad getting back into the Prius to make the two mile drive down to the store (instead of riding my bike), but it made my wife feel better that I drove (even after close to 15 years of riding in the city, she is convinced that every time I jump on my bike I am going to get flattened by a dump truck or be swallowed up by a sink hole). I was running a bit late after all of the shenanigans, and of course, that meant good old Murphy would make finding a parking space next to impossible.
I was right.
After about ten minutes circling the block, hoping for someone to miraculously leave right before me, I saw what amounted to essentially half a space. In a section of the street where there was enough room to park two cars between an alley and a fire hydrant, there was a BMW M5 parked smack dab in the middle of the two spots, rendering the space behind and in front essentially useless. Well, I was really late at this point and decided that the space in front was close to being large enough to get away with it. I backed into the “spot” and got real cozy with the M5’s bumper (OK, I was indeed touching it, but the driver of the BMW would have no trouble getting out since there was plenty of room to back up—unless someone did the same thing as I behind him, which would be poetic justice for someone [clearly from the ‘burbs] who had no idea how to park).
As I got out and got my parking stub, I contemplated what level of hell is reserved for people who are bad parkers—nothing gets my blood boiling more than those who waste/hog parking spaces (OK, people who throw their cigarette butts out the window are worse, but only by a little). I also hoped that the three feet that the Prius extended into the “No Parking” sign would not draw the ire of the Philadelphia Parking Authority (aka the PPA–you might have seen them on TV), but I was a good 15 minutes late now and decided to take the risk.
I sauntered into the Apple Store where someone a third my age escorted me to the “Bar.” I sat there for a bit, trying to look as cool as one can while waiting for a genius. I realize that this is perhaps not an original thought, but Apple would make a killing (not like they aren’t already) if the Genius Bar were actually to serve booze. At least that night I was willing to pay a good portion of their rent for a glass of wine or two.
After about 15 minutes of waiting and another 30 minutes with my Genius, my computer problem was apparently solved, and I raced back to my car, hoping that the PPA had not left a nice little “note” on my windshield.
They hadn’t.
But.
Someone else did.
A few of you might have seen this lovely note on my Facebook feed:
The note was left by the owner of the M5, who was also kind enough to leave a phone number (blurred out above) that I could call. I waited until the following day to call, curious as to what might occur. It turns out that the number was the work number of a real estate agent from the suburbs (shocker, I know). I decided not to leave a message, but I was tempted.
For the past couple of days, I have been trying to find out what was the most outrageous component of the whole episode, given the competing elements. Each time, I keep coming back to Occam’s Razor and realize that all this happened because I did not drink any wine that night. It proves that Bacchus is the most powerful of all gods and you would be wise to not upset him.
the drunken cyclist 
But!! If you had consumed wine and this all hPpened God knows how it may have turned out. You very well could be blogging from a holding cell !!! Lol!!!
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That is a very good point! If I would have popped a bottle I would have had no impetus to leave–I could have endured the malfunctioning laptop 😉
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😂😂
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Every time I see a car parked like that, I have a very strong regret that I’m actually not driving a bulldozer at the moment, so I can gently, very gently, help that proud idiot to park his precious vehicle correctly… And that arrogance of someone talking down to the not-up-to-snuff car owner – I’m curious what the note would say if you happened to park a Porsche in front of that car – would the “asshole” or the $ amount disappear from the note?
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Drives me absolutely crazy! We live in a row house, with no garage, so seeing “poor parking” is certainly a hot button topic for me. I certainly considered “nudging” the M5 into proper place, but my little old Prius could not move a bike, let alone that thing….
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I’ve done your parking maneuver 100x before when back in Chicago. I contemplated getting a window sticker saying, “Asian Driver on Board” because that’ll cover that and many other situations. Then again, in those days I would’ve peed on the other persons car if they left me a note like that.
She asking for it. It’s funny that she’d pay a lawyer thousands to pursue the hundred bux it’ll take a detailer to buff out the nonexistent scratch.
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Playing the Asian card while driving is always a shrewd move–my wife does it all the time. If there is a scratch on that car, it was not me that put it there, that’s for sure.
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Even as insane as that was, I’m sure it was upsetting. People are getting more and more selfish, intolerant, and angry. Sheesh!
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Initially, I was a little upset (not many people enjoy being called an asshote), but the more I thought about it and “researched” it, the funnier it became.
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We have strict parking laws that prohibit that in Boulder. What a hog!!! People get “keyed” for less than that!
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There is technically a law on the books here in Philly as well, but clearly never enforced.
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my guess is this sort of suit wouldn’t be worth their time. I actually keep a ‘fake ticket’ pad in my car, reserved especially for people like this who think they are above everyone else.
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I posted this on my Facebook page and I already have a slew of lawyers ready to take up my defense, but I think you are right–I doubt there is a lawyer that would even consider it!
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BTW if you haven’t checked out my latest post…it has to do with wine 😉
Have you had any wine from Nugan Estates in Aus?
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Did you just post it today? this darn work thing keeps getting in the way!
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I would have posted their number – they had no problem leaving it in plain view on the street. The *ssh0le is the jerk in the M5 taking up 2 spots. And going to their lawyer for this? Really? If I was their lawyer I’d charge them the usual $750 an hour to listen to them whine, then tell them to get a life (and yes, I’m a lawyer, so… ). Don’t sweat it, go home, pop open a bottle of something wonderful and celebrate the fact that you’re not the idiot in the M5.
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I posted the number on Facebook and the owner’s identity was almost as quickly posted in the comments. It was rather funny what went on over there! We popped a very nice Syrah last night and joked about it quite a bit!
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This is why I hate white, middle class, BMW owning mamas boys. A car worth 100,00 has enough insurance to fix any minor scratches but sorry buddy unless you drive a Bentley or Aston Martin stick to one parking spot, dickwad. The fact that he wrote 100,000 is pathetic.
PS. We pop a cork every night as well. It a prerequisite for digestion in my opinion.
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…and the lawyer comment is clearly a dick measuring contest.
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…I agree even considering that the owner turned out to be a woman!
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Great to hear about the wine solidarity! Yeah, the $100K was well over the top. The car was long gone at that point, but I would have loved to have left my own little note….
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Jerk probably did that thinking by parking in two spots no one would be able to damage his/her (looks like female handwriting) car by parking too close. I guess that backfired on them.
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Well, I did not damage her (it did turn out to be a she) car, that is for certain. Even if I had, I would feel justified with that type of parking (and obnoxious note leaving).
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ah- sorry, just read how that’s sounded- I didn’t mean to imply you damaged her car because you said you didn’t. Just meant to say that if she was trying to avoid someone parking next to her, she certainly failed and deservedly so- though you let her off by not damaging her very expensive car- snort!
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Oh no, I did not take it that way at all!
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The title of this post was so awful that I almost didn’t read it 🙂 Glad I did though – while drinking a nice glass of red! What an asshole – christ, Americans are lawsuit happy! Did you even leave a scratch on his precious baby!?
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Yes, we Yanks love to sue the bejesus out of one another, don’t we?
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I HATE people who park improperly and take 2 spaces. You’ve got his number? Oh, the fun you could have with that. 🙂
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I have been paralyzed by the number of options…
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Car took up two spots, I guess it takes one to call one… I’d stew on that one too, but it be over after a glass or few.
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It turned out to be a rather humorous episode….
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I think that if you had enjoyed a glass of wine first, you would of had a great parking spot, but better then that, your computer would not have acted up. You are right in not trying to get Bacchus angry. Have another glass of wine and relax.
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Great advice as always, Obi-Won.
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Glad to hear you had a sense of humour about the whole thing. It always bugs me when people are mean like that. He may be super rich but in the end, money still can’t buy a great personality! Funny that he’d be in a service oriented position.
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I really have no idea what people are thinking some times. By leaving her number, I was able to track her down (even get a picture off her website). I guess she figured that a Prius driver is not likely to track her down and go crazy….
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It’s probably safe to assume the writer of the note throws cigarette butts out of his window.
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Ha! I think you are right!
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What an ass clown. Good thing the note leaver clarified the worth of their car. I can’t believe the incident didn’t force you to down a bottle of wine yourself!
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Oh, I made up for it over the weekend!
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They say a glass a day is good for you.
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I usually triple that just to be safe!
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lol
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Glad you could turn this into a very enjoyable blog post. The BMW owner probably only managed to raise his (or her) blood pressure.
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I know I would have to be rather steamed to leave a note like that!
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Oh the empty lawyer threat — why on earth do people think that is going to make them feel better? Also, if you can afford a $100,000 car then you can probably afford to buff out any scratch that could have, but most likely did not, occur as a result of street parking your precious investment.
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Easy–people are nuts….
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