The other night, my wife and I did what we do just about every weeknight: we put the knuckleheads to bed, grabbed a bottle of wine, and watched some television. That night it was The Voice.
OK. I watched the Voice only because my wife was interested.
Really.
It was all her.
Believe me or not, that is your choice.
I was sitting there dutifully working on this blog when my wife calmly asked: “What’s that?” I instinctively looked away from my laptop and up at the television, but she quickly redirected my gaze: “No, look at your hand, what is that?”
I glanced at my hand.
If you look closely enough you can see the rather unsightly red splotches that cover my hand and forearm. I am not the type that easily freaks out, so I merely thought that it was a bit strange. My wife, on the other hand, is a physician and decided to freak out a bit for me.
Within a few seconds, I was practically disrobing (not for that–get your mind out of the gutter) so that she could determine just how widespread the issue was. Clearly, there was a bit of a problem as I was breaking out in hives all over the place.
My wife determined that I was having an allergic reaction to something and suggested that I take some Benadryl. I was a bit flummoxed since I have never been allergic to anything in my life–even poison ivy has no effect on me. We started assessing what it may have been that I ingested that caused the reaction. After eliminating all the elements of the dinner we just ate, my wife made an obscene suggestion:
“Could it be the wine?”
I paused for a moment to consider her utterance. I had just opened a wonderful Syrah from Peter Cargasacchi’s Point Concepcion label–a wine that we had consumed on numerous occasions with no adverse effects (at least the type that I was currently experiencing). After a few more seconds of reflection, I took the only action that seemed logical.
I decided I needed to slap my wife.
I didn’t, of course, but the mere suggestion that I was allergic to wine evoked such a strong reaction (see what I did there?) that I needed to lash out at the perpetrator. As I tried to maintain my calm, she apparently was not finished:
“I am going to get you some Benadryl. You need to stop drinking.”
Whoa.
I am firmly in the camp of non-violence, but she really was trying my resolve.
“Stop drinking?” Did we just meet? Do I know you? After a bit of negotiation, we agreed that I would pass on the Benadryl, but I would also put the rest of the Point Concepcion away for the night. I reluctantly agreed, since the wine was utterly fabulous. It had been a while since I we had a bottle, and the extra time seemed to make an already Outstanding wine even better.
The next morning, both the hives and my wife were gone (she left for a conference in California, I am not smart enough to tell you were the hives went). That evening, with my wife securely 3,000 miles away, I revisited the Syrah. I am happy to report that there was not a recurrence of any hive-type activity.
So what caused the allergic reaction?
I think I have pretty solid proof now that it was The Voice.
the drunken cyclist 
I was scared for you!
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Aw, thanks!
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Jeff, you crack me up.!
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Now if only you could convince my wife that what I write is at least mildly amusing…
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However. .I enjoy the Voice. Just haven’t watched the last 2 seasons!
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I agree. Never watch the Voice again. Glad you are okay and you have a wife who is a physician and can figure these things out for you!
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It was rough… As for the wife being a doc, there are some advantages (like if you ever need a prescription–unless it is one for performance enhancing drugs on the bike).
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You need to stop drinking. A fate worse than death? 🙂
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Far worse, my friend, far worse. With the thought of my esophagus closing, all I wanted was more wine–in a last meal kind of way….
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I would look at any seafood consumed! Also new laundry detergents or cleaning products. Seriously always take a benadryl! It was most likely something consumed during the last 4 hours. Once I took Spirulina for over a year and then that once a day was too much…iodine. Woke up with hives the size of basketballs and itch. Yikes. Hives always attack the extremities like wrists and ankles. Keep on the look out, your liver is reacting to something. And it could be something that was on the grapes……Remember it is farming……and in order to get to the bottle lots of things happen during that process. It is not wine per se!
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It was really weird and no real explanation–I am literally allergic to nothing. Absolutely boring when I go to the doctor–no allergies whatsoever. I literally have no idea what caused it!
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That has made me laugh very loudly in the office… Stop doing that, I’m supposed to be working!!
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Work? Novel concept.
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Helps to pay for my expensive habit!
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Thanks for the laugh to start my day. Glad it wasn’t the wine. 🙂
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I actually have an alcohol allergy. Whenever I drink enough of it, I wake up with a headache.
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Me too! Maybe we are related?!?
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Drink more water!
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Adam. Some people also have the same reaction to Blake Shelton. Hives and vomiting.
I also fear that some day alcohol will be snatched from me due to some cruel human condition. Allergies hadn’t occurred to me.
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One should always be ready for any eventuality. To paraphrase, they are going to have pry that corkscrew out of my cold, dead hands.
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Right on!
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Thank goodness it wasn’t the wine man.
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True dat, brother!
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[Read in the voice of “that” kid from Kindergarten Cop]: It might be a tumor . . . 😉! Whatever it is, I hope it’s a one and done. Mystery hives are no fun!
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[Read in a thick Austrian, used to be steroid taker’s voice] “It’s not a toomah!”
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Exact same thing happened to me once after a dinner with red wine. It never happened again. But it was really strange to say the least!
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Very strange, very strange.
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Thanks for the good laugh, Jeff! 🙂 I’m glad you are ok and it was not because of the wine! That said, one of my two sisters has the hives every time she drinks fake wine. When we don’t know if a wine is good or not we let her have a sip, if she turns red we throw the bottle! 🙂 Despicable Me??…
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Ha! Your own living, breathing wine critic!
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Strangely enough, I had an allergic reaction to a craft beer recently. My face swelled up to the stage where my eyes closed over. My throat started to constrict also and I got very wheezy too. I took an antihistamine and sat up fretting until 3 AM. The next day, I looked like I had done 15 rounds with Joe Louis. Off the craft beers for now…
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Yet another reason to not drink beer!
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I have strong suspicions that, were it proved to be the wine that caused the hives, you would simply accept the hives as an occupational hazard and carry on regardless…am i right?
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Correct-a-mundo.
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My husband says he will rather stop eating.
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Twins. Separated at the winery.
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I had to reapply deodorant after your wife asked if it could be the wine?! THE HORROR! So glad to hear it was merely just the TV show. Phew.
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I am still traumatized every time I hear Adam Levine’s voice. Oh wait….
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Carson Daly is bad for your health. There is totally science to back that up.
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You are so right! I think I actually blocked him out of my memory.
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I could have probably told you that from the get go!!:) I Cant believe you put down the wine!!:)
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My wife can be rather persuasive when she plays the “doctor card.”
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My mother developed an allergy to alcohol later in life. So in addition to my life-threatening avocado allergy, I have that to look forward to. I will probably just swim out in the ocean and let the sharks eat me when that happens.
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Sharks? Maybe you could work out a deal with shark week or something….
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I was worried for you! What a relief that it was not the wine. Though you were very naughty to have more of it while you were alone. Have you not heard of anaphylactic shock?
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Thanks for the concern! But I do not worry about stuff that I can’t spell….
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Great idea! I’ll need to figure out how to induce a rash, as we often have “The Bachelor/Bachelorette” and “American Idol” on at our house.
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Ha! You might also want to try “parental controls” (that is how I no longer have to watch the Lifetime Channel)!
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If if ever happens again, get thee to a doctor. Food allergies are nothing to mess with (says the woman whose throat tightens when she eats fish).
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The problem is: I am married to one. It takes all of the drama out of everything….
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Didn’t see that coming. Allergic to ‘The Voice’. You made me laugh out loud! 😉
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Ha! Good!
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No way was it the voice! or the wine. Something you ate for sure. 🙂
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Oh, it was the Voice (or maybe just Adam Levine).
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The though of being allergic to wine = Quelle horreur!
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Tell me about it!
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I would drink through the hives, what does that say about me. Enjoyed the post.
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The same thing it says about me–I drank through them as well!
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