Sebastian is my five-year old and he says some of the funniest things–we have no idea where he gets his material since his mother and I are rather boring, serious people.

The other day, while his brother was away for the week, I took Sebastian canoeing on the Delaware River.

His main goal was that we pass everyone else along the way (almost everyone we saw was tubing, so it was not all that difficult). At one point, as he saw a raft just up ahead, he said in a deep, authoritarian voice:

“Full speed ahead! We must pass them!”

Me: “So does that mean you are the captain of the ship?”

Sebastian: “Yes! Wait, what is the captain?”

Me: “He is pretty much the boss of the ship.”

Seba: “Oh, right, yes, I am the captain. FULL SPEED AHEAD!”

I followed orders and the canoe lurched forward with the extra force that I applied to the paddle. Sebastian was initially a bit startled as he got knocked of balance with the sudden forceful motion.

After he regained composure (still in his authoritative voice): “Nice job, matey!”

He then turned toward me and in his five year-old voice, while simultaneously making a tossing gesture to me (although there was nothing in his hand):

“Here’s a cookie!”