I figured some of you out there (OK, both of you) were likely wondering “what does a wine guy do on Valentine’s Day?”  Alright, even if neither of you were wondering, I am going to tell you any way.  As I have mentioned here before, I am married to an incredible woman.  She is extraordinary in many ways, but perhaps her most amazing quality is that she tolerates me and my obsessions (I know, you saw that one coming, but it is Valentine’s Day, so I am allowed/expected to be a bit schmaltzy).  Normally, my wife eschews all the pomp of most holidays: she basically does not like it when I make a big fuss out of things like birthdays, Christmas, anniversaries and above all, Valentine’s Day.   If there are any wives/girlfriends/significant others reading this, I know what you are thinking: “Man, he’s so full of shit.”  Well, you would be wrong (at least about this: I very well may be full of shit, but we will have to address that in other posts).  Those of you who know my wife know that I married a Saint.  Case closed.  Get the canon ready.  Seriously.  If there are any husbands/boyfriends/partners reading this blog, I know what you’re thinking as well: “Man, he’s got it made.”  You would be 100% right.  No doubt about it.  As an example, I could forget buying a present for any (or all) of the aforementioned events and not make a single trip to the dog house.  In fact, my wife would feel guilty that I felt guilty.  If I knew how, I would count my blessings every day.  I shit you not, she is unbelievable.  

So this year, for our tenth VD (a rather unfortunate abbreviation, but that is for the writer of a different blog, I imagine), I thought I should shake it up a bit and actually plan something other than trying to say “Happy Valentine’s Day” before she did.  Since VD fell on a Tuesday this year, my options were a bit limited.  The kids are in school, work the following day, etc.  So a babysitter and a night on the town were really not an option.  Since I have been doing a lot of cooking these days, I decided to make her our new favorite Thomas Keller recipe: Lobster Macaroni and Cheese and serve it with a bottle of 1998 Dom Pérignon (the year we started dating).  Everything went along famously (really!).  I went to the store and got a couple of lobsters and several other ingredients (this is one of the few recipes from the French Laundry Cookbook that you do not have to charter a jet to Mozambique and another to Transylvania to purchase the necessary spices and légumes); I started cooking in the early afternoon, sending those poor soon to be bright red bastards to their inglorious end (even though I went to college in Maine and love to eat lobster, I still feel bad throwing those guys into the pot–but only for about two minutes).  Everything moved along smoothly–I fed the kids (some risotto), changed them into their “jammies”, and stuck them in front of the electronic babysitter (whom we normally only employ on the weekend).  By the time my wife got home, the dozen long stems were in the vase, candles lit, and the ’98 Dom on ice.  She was stunned and flabergasted when she walked through the door and we sat down to an adult dinner of lobster and champagne (and no kids).  The silence coming from the second floor playroom had never been so sweet.  After dinner, I cleaned up and my wife kissed the kids goodnight.  We then settled down on the couch with a small box of chocolates and watched the chick flick I had recorded on the DVR (I refuse to divulge the movie).  After a wonderful evening together we made our way upstairs and…

Well, that’s how I envisioned the day going a couple of weeks ago when I started dreaming  up this plan.  My focus was razor sharp, my idea was foolproof and I would be back in the running for husband of the year (but perhaps still a ways to go for father of the year).

Let’s just say, it did not go down exactly that way.  Several obstacles arose:

• I had an interview earlier in the day (fingers crossed!) and I did not have the time to make a meal based on a recipe from a Thomas and Friends cookbook let alone one by Thomas Keller.
• My wife said she felt as though she needed to throw up all day, came home early, and was not in the mood to eat anything.
• I did not start dating my wife in 1998, but in 1999.  I do not have a bottle of 1999 Dom Pérignon (alright, I am the only one that would care the year was off, but give me a break here).
• By the time I did get to the Whole Foods Parking Lot, the place was packed and I stood in line for about 15 minutes to pay my $78 for the loaf of bread.  When I got back on my bike, I realized I had forgotten the flowers and I had neither the patience nor the time to go back.
• The Bic lighter thing we use to light candles was out of gas; we threw out all our matches three years ago when we found one of our sons trying to light the family room on fire.

So in the end, I did not make lobster, but hamburgers (which I over-cooked) and frozen French fries (which I under-cooked) for the boys and me while my wife tried to sleep on the couch.  She woke up in time to have a few fries (with ketchup) and a couple of sips of the 1999 Mumm Napa DVX that I did have (still had to try and be festive).  I got the boys to bed and my wife and I did watch the movie.  Well, I watched about half of it and then fell asleep.  My wife woke me up after the movie, and we made our way up stairs.

And then she threw up.

Just another Happy Valentine’s Day for the ‘Wine Guy’.