I never took Latin in school, which I think I regret, but I have picked up a few phrases along the way:
ad nauseam–an argument that goes on to the point of causing you to want to puke.
carpe diem–seize the day. You never know when you are going to get hit by a bus.
Sine qua non–an indispensable or essential action (and a cult winery in California that I have never tried–I have a rule that I should never spend an entire mortgage payment on a single bottle of wine).
And perhaps the most important:
Caveat emptor–let the buyer beware.
I think caveat emptor was actually the first foreign phrase I ever knew when my grandmother taught it to me when I was around five years old. I no longer remember the particular context, but I certainly remember the message: “Don’t be a dope.” She was also very fond of professing “if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.” Again, “Don’t be a dope.”
Thus, this past week when I saw post after post touting the new product that could “turn water into wine” I thought of my grandmother, who although she died over 20 years ago, was still reciting these two phrases for me to hear.
I first saw the product in a Huffington Post piece, which touted this product as “revolutionary.” Basically, there was this “machine” that “literally turned water into wine in three days” with the addition of a flavor packet that would run you $2 a bottle. The “machine” itself? $500. There was also some iPhone App that did something or other.
There were a host of other sites that jumped on board:
Mashable (whatever that is)
I could go on, but I won’t. There were blogs, even “wine blogs” that made posts on this “Machine” touting how incredibly cool it was. My first thought: “This is total bullcrap.” There were several reasons for this:
- LITERALLY. The use of the term “literally.” This is a pet peeve of mine, and if I hear it, usually the person using it is full of crap. They are either using it incorrectly (“I am, like, literally starving!”) or they are using it in a way that is just stupid (“I will literally rip your head off if you say that again.”). Using gimmicks like the term “literally” is “literally” a huge red flag.
- HISTORY. It completely dismisses thousands of years of winemaking. In my life time, or there about, just about everything that could be “improved” has been improved to some extent. This usually happens gradually. The “Miracle Machine” claimed to take a process that has required at least nine months for millennia and collapses it into three days. Imagine if that happened for something else that usually takes nine months? “Go from conception to birth in three days!” Um, OK, that’s the kid I want.
- MATH. There would be so much more happiness in the world if people just understood math. Every article about this machine said it would cost $499 plus $2 for each flavor packet. The claim was that a $20 wine could be made for a fraction of the cost. To just break even (e.g., pay $20/bottle) you’re looking at 28 bottles. To get to “a fraction” of the cost (I used the fraction 1/2), you are looking at 63 bottles to get to $10/bottle. (The formula, by the way is 499 + 2x = Zx, where ‘Z’ is the desired price per bottle). Are you going to spend $600+ on more than five cases of wine that you have never tasted? If so, please never invite me over for dinner.
- TASTE. Has anybody other than the two guys who “invented” this ever tasted any of the “water into wine”? Um, that would be “no.” On top of that, what does a $20 wine taste like? I have had some enjoyable $10 wines and some $50+ wines that were total crap. Come on, this should have tipped everyone off even if the other warning signs had not (although if the others did not tip you off, either you are a bit thick, or you drink a lot of Coors Lite).
- RESEARCH. Just two minutes in to my Google search, I found this on Wikipedia (not exactly “digging very deep”) about one of the “inventors” of this “Machine”: “He is currently riding his motorcycle around the world raising money for Wine To Water, a water charity that supports projects in 15 countries.” Did that not raise any suspicions?
In the end (as in Wednesday), this was shown to be a hoax (surprised face) in order to raise awareness for the charity mentioned on Wikipedia. It is hard to jump all over a hoax when it is done for an altruistic end (I think), but come on. So many “reputable” outlets were duped by this, I am more than a little perturbed by the lack of relative common sense by the public at large.
Come on people.
Yeesh.
If you say “gullible” slowly it sounds like “oranges.”
[I wrote this post the night before I published it. While I was researching the posts to site, I discovered that it had since been exposed as a hoax. I was both disappointed–since I did not get this post out ahead of the “reveal” and proud–since I saw this as total bullcrap from the get-go.]
the drunken cyclist 
I hope you were being serious about wanting to take Latin because that’s been my dream forever. I was even jealous of schools that did teach it when I was in high school, but I was also an insufferable nerd. Love this story – however, there are certain nine month things that women may wish could be three days if it was all the same thankyouverymuch
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There are not many days that go by that I do not wish I would have taken Latin. As for the pregnancy thing, I am sure a shorter one would be better for the mother. Pretty sure it would not be better for the kid, though….
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The general lack of common sense in the world never ceases to amaze me 😉
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It is amazing. “Look! I read about this on the internet–it has to be true!” And my uncle is the worst of them all.
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Still, I guess we’d have nothing to complain about if everyone was as smart as us 😉
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Very good point. The world would be such a better place if they just let us run it.
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How did all of these outlets review a machine without even trying it or seeing a prototype first?! But, I also do have to give credit to these guys and their PR agency — they managed to get a lot of free publicity for a great cause.
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I have no idea why this story ran so widely without anyone actually tasting any of the wine–you are exactly correct: PR coup of the year thus far….
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On one hand it really is infuriating how idiotic and gullible people can be – and I get reminders every time I look at my FB feed.
On the other hand, I think I’m halfway to my new business model. I’m sure there’s a way to make money on making up he most outlandish crap. (Besides working for that one “news” channel)
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And I have another go-to Latin phrase – O lente lente currite, noctus equii. Means oh slowly slowly run horses if the night.
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Might have to work that into my repertoire….
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Yeah, we really need to come up with something so incredibly stupid that people are willing to give us cash for it. When they find out it was a hoax, we could just point to how incredibly asinine it was as our defense–not thinking anyone could possibly believe it. I know! How about we say we are a rich prince from Nigeria or something?
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So I would have to say that this was an excellent publicity stunt for Wine into Water – very well done. As for gullible people and everything else – today’s science advances are so incredible, that people are ready to accept really lots of different things as a possibility, so this is not terribly surprising.
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It was an excellent stunt and you sniffed it out right away!
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You might be giving me more credit than I deserve – I thought that the results will be crappy, but I wouldn’t be surprised if someone would come up with that type of device, using some kind of the dried grape paste or so – that would be a real scam, but I’m sure such product would have its grateful audience…
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I totally missed this one … but yeah, the BS alarm should have been sounding. Sadly the ‘race for clicks’ is so furious that people will publish darn near anything without really thinking it through.
I did take Latin in high school, and definitely found it helped me pick up languages such as German and Spanish quickly enough to be able to get by on trips.
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“Race for clicks” Great way to put it! I might have to steal that from you….
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Go for it … I typically use ‘link bait’ – but with how these places try to get stuff posted so fast to be ‘first’ like some YouTube commenter …
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😆
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When I first saw it, I thought “is this the latest line extension for Crystal Light?” I also thought “it’s dehydrated wine so how do they preserve the alcohol?” Glad to know it’s fake.
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Excellent point on the alcohol! How can one expect to accelerate fermentation?
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I imagine that it would taste like bartles and James/California coolers or boones farm.
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Look at the bright side, you did not have to run this rant ad nauseum.
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Well played!
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I look Latin in high school and absolutely loved it! But i remain eternally jealous of my younger sister who majored in in (or rather the Classics–they had to throw Greek in there, too) in college. My high school’s Latin teacher was a superstar, almost everyone took at least Latin 1. To this day my siblings and I have contests conjugating “hic, haec, hoc” (the record is 6 seconds) and arguing about who’s the better poet–Pliny the Elder or Pliny the Younger.
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I would have to go with the Elder, but I read it all in translation!
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It’s a trick question because neither one of them wrote poetry 😉 But the Younger wrote some nice love letters… and witnessed the eruption of Vesuvius.
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Ah, you got me! I vaguely remember studying them in High School in my Classic Literature class and lugging around the Norton Anthology. I went with the Elder since, well, I am old.
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You almost had a scoop, Jeff! And I like your Latin intro though I must admit it differs from the Latin I once learned. 🙂 As for how and why questionable (if not outright fraudulent) products and services surface (and some, have long runs), one need only look at marketing firms and media that tends to sensationalize so much. There is rarely any due diligence done and this, in part, accounts for why I haven’t watched TV or read a newspaper (in print or online) for 14 years. Nurtured grapes, bottling, time, and a good cork. Do we really need more?
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Excellent points, all, Eric. 14 years! I am certainly envious–if only I had your will power!
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my entire knowledge of latin comes from the ‘romans go home’ scene in ‘The Life of Brian’ so you are not alone. I think they might have been sceptical of water into wine claims in that movie too, although not the same one you had doubts about
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Always look on the bright side of life!
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I can’t believe someone invited such a piece of crap! This “invention” didn’t make into the German newspapers and I am glad it didn’t.
How can someone seriously believe that it’s possible to turn water into wine??
It’s also quite suspicious that reputable newspapers and magazines praise this machine. I’m especially disappointed that the Time reviewed and praised this “invention”.
Anyways, great post, Jeff! Thanks for informing us about this because I was clearly I was not aware of this machine.
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Thanks Julian! Surprised it did not make its way over there, since it was everywhere here!
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Lovely post.I speak 5 languages ,l loved to learn French but Latin was another wish.Thank you so much for visiting my blog.Warm regards.JalMichael
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Thanks for stopping by! Cheers!
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I was hoping I wouldn’t get to the end of the post only to find out that some gullible friend had sent you one of these machines to try. 😉
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That would have been a great post!
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What I got from this, I literally need to strike literally from my vocabulary. I, too, am amazed people reviewed this without trying it. Makes you second guess all contents’ true intentions.
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Ha! People are literally ready to believe literally anything.
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I totally believe you were ahead of the curve. 🙂
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It all depends on the curve….
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Clever marketing and lovely to see such august establishments fall for the emperor’s new clothes.
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It is rather amazing. What is more amazing is that those people who fell for it are likely still employed….
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I had read about it too and, just like you, I had laughed about it. But to me caveat emptor rules. I mean, if there have been people making small fortunes selling (supposedly) artist poop (it sounds so much better in French!) and let’s not forget NINJA loans… there is hardly any limit to how much BS you can successfully sell to people…
BTW, a small note from someone who had to study latin for five years in school – the correct spelling is ad nauseam 🙂
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I am with you–there is no limit. It amazes me that people still fall for that Nigerian prince email scam. And thanks for the spelling error (fixed now)!
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