Sebastian is my eleven-year-old and he says some of the funniest things–we have no idea where he gets his material since his mother and I are rather boring, serious people. 

Last fall, we were in New England visiting family and checking out a few colleges with Nathan who is a high school junior.  I decided to take the boys up to my alma mater, Bowdoin College, whose mascot is the Polar Bear. We saw a picture of one on a truck we passed on the highway.

Sebastian: “They are so cute!”

Me (wanting to project a fighting spirit for my alma mater): “Actually, they are the most ferocious land mammal known to man.”

Nathan: “What does that mean?”

Me: “They kill a bunch of humans.“

Nathan: “No they don’t.”

Me: “Yes they do. Why? What do you think kills more?”

Nathan: “Lions.”

Sebastian: “Snails!”

Nathan and I laugh.

Nathan: “Yeah. Snails. Whatever.”

Nathan googles and depending on the source, Polar Bears are indeed the most lethal.

Nathan (choosing to ignore the fact that I was right and instead focus on his brother’s utterance): “Ha! No snails.”

Sebastian: “But snails aren’t mammals.”

Nathan: “Snakes kill more than snails.”

Me: “Google it.”

Nathan: “Oh no. Snails kill 20 thousand people a year! Really? What do they do?”

Sebastian: “Like I said. They kill people.”