Sebastian is my eleven-year-old and he says some of the funniest things–we have no idea where he gets his material since his mother and I are rather boring, serious people.
Last fall, we were in New England visiting family and checking out a few colleges with Nathan who is a high school junior. I decided to take the boys up to my alma mater, Bowdoin College, whose mascot is the Polar Bear. We saw a picture of one on a truck we passed on the highway.
Sebastian: “They are so cute!”
Me (wanting to project a fighting spirit for my alma mater): “Actually, they are the most ferocious land mammal known to man.”
Nathan: “What does that mean?”
Me: “They kill a bunch of humans.“
Nathan: “No they don’t.”
Me: “Yes they do. Why? What do you think kills more?”
Nathan and I laugh.
Nathan: “Yeah. Snails. Whatever.”
Nathan googles and depending on the source, Polar Bears are indeed the most lethal.
Nathan (choosing to ignore the fact that I was right and instead focus on his brother’s utterance): “Ha! No snails.”
Sebastian: “But snails aren’t mammals.”
Nathan: “Snakes kill more than snails.”
Me: “Google it.”
Nathan: “Oh no. Snails kill 20 thousand people a year! Really? What do they do?”
Sebastian: “Like I said. They kill people.”